Things I Want To Ask My Dog Who Just Got Neutered

Hey man, I'm sorry they did this to you. I blame Bob Barker, but you know it is supposed to be for your own good. Well, more like for the good of the puppies you no longer are able to have. If I had my way I'd let you sow those wild oats, but we can't risk you impregnating a stranger's dog when we take you for walks. Remind me to start taking you on walks. Anyways I was hoping you could answer some questions for me with the fresh stitches and all.

1. Does it hurt when you pee?
2. Hell, does it hurt when you walk?
3. How are you coping existentially with the fact that you can no longer have progeny?
4. Did you have plans for starting a family?
5. If you answered yes to number 4, how did you plan on supporting this family?
6. Okay I'm not saying there isn't a puppy night school, but what type of classes would they even offer?
7. If you answered no to number 4, what happened in your life that makes you feel that not having kids is the way to go?
8. How big of an influence was your abandonment in my neighbor's backyard where I found you on this decision?
9. Does it hurt when you scratch?
10. Do you feel, as they claim, that you are less aggressive now?
11. What impact do you think this surgery will have on your lizard/snail hunting skills?
12. Does this mean Boo Boo wears the metaphorical puppy pants in your relationship?
13. Will you be able to bark in a higher octave?
14. First the groomers butchered your beautiful fur coat and now this, will you ever trust Mom again?
15. What is your take on the Israel-Palestine situation? You strike me as a two state solution kind of dude.
16. Why do you bark so much at people moving their trash cans around?
17. Where do you think we go when we die?
18. How'd you like your experience with anaesthesia? That time is completely lost man, you'll never know what happened! I bet you've figured some of it out by now.
19. Why didn't they send you home in a cone? Television has made me believe this is a necessary accoutrement for freshly surgered dogs.
20. We're still cool though right?

Some of those got a little off topic, but I believe they're pertinent to the over-arching context of our relationship.