1. Mad Men
2. Masters Of Sex
3. Breaking Bad
4. Eastbound & Down
5. New Girl
6. Justified
7. The Newsroom
8. The Wrong Mans
9. Top Of The Lake
10. Family Tree
There were a whole slew of good TV shows this year, almost too many to whittle down the list to 10. And god knows I love making lists. Sitting here looking at my list, which I'm pretty sure is accurately listed in order although there could be a little shuffling and it wouldn't be the end of the world, I am recognizing a similar theme that runs through almost all of these shows in one way or another. It seems that in the year of television, I was concerned with men struggling to realize what they want and who they want to be in relation to the world around them. This year saw the end of the road for Kenny Powers and Walter White, two men who were very proud and found it very hard to give in to outside forces who were trying to influence the course of their lives. Both men had strained relationships with their families and partners which always threatened to bring them back to earth but never could. Their egos outweighed their ambition, but barely so, they always found a way to come out on top, even if the world was burning around them. Don Draper struggled to stay relevant, not to mention sane, at SCDP this year. He is such a complicated and enigmatic man that he is always the most magnetic, loathed, feared, and desired man in the room. Don himself doesn't know who he is and isn't likely to as the series comes to an end. What I have always found so interesting about Don Draper is his constant struggle with the world around him, he always seems to be both a step behind & a step ahead of everyone & everything around him at the same time. Trying to envision who Don Draper will become as the years go by and the world evolves with or without him will be the central question the next two years. Walter White is gone, now we want to know what Don Draper's fate will be.
The most interesting new character this year is Bill Masters, although the man and his work have actually been around for over 50 years. His work with Virginia Johnson concerning the furthering of the study of sex as a viable science takes a backseat to the man himself. He is powerful, cold, calculating, humorless, and determined; he is a man who will resort to blackmail, both emotionally and financially, to see that nothing will interfere with his work. What's great about this show is the reservoirs of depth to him that cannot be fully explored no matter how many seasons the show gets to be on the air. Like Don Draper, nobody really likes him but they recognize his value and can't help but be drawn to his ever-expanding aura, like moths to a flame. Another man who would be on the Mt. Rushmore of perpetually troublesome, misunderstood men of TV 2013 would be Will McAvoy. He thinks people like him more than they actually do, but they respect him more than they actually let on. He's unfailingly loyal and uncontrollably unpredictable. He's stubborn and always tries to talk his way out of situations that he has previously talked his way into. I grew to love Will and the rest of The Newsroom gang as the season went on, it's definitely the show with the deepest bench. Perhaps my favorite ongoing character is of course Raylan Givens, yet another man whose impulses and sense of direction for his life puts him at odds with everyone around him. Raylan is at the doorstep of fatherhood now, and while he is fearless as a deputy stalking the hills of Kentucky, he is made speechless when it comes to being a husband and a partner. He struggles to understand the basics of his job and his relationships but is so brilliant and unique that he simply cannot be overlooked. What draws me to characters like these guys is the larger-than-life shadow they cast and their fearlessness in sticking to their guns, no pun intended in this case, to do what they know is right. Their complications and struggles to maintain their self in the face of opposition is a joy to follow.
Two shows with young men thrown into pretty extraordinary situations outside of their small worlds are Family Tree with the continuously great Chris O'Dowd and the British show The Wrong Mans. The latter is about a sad-sack hourly worker who gets caught up in a world of espionage, murder, mystery and femme-fatales while still stuck with the mundanity of life working at an office and an ex-girlfriend/current boss who he is still hung up on. He learns to be heroic at the expense of his safety and eventually finds out the kind of man he wants to be and must become to earn back the love of a woman and make it out of his predicament alive. It's what an Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg/Nick Frost wrong-man-espionage movie would be as a TV show. Chris O'Dowd has a similarly soul-searching yet less perilous journey to undertake in Family Tree, where he plays a man who takes on the task of researching his family tree as an attempt to forget his ex girlfriend and move on with his life.
As much as I have praised and been drawn to a whole host of male characters this year, even more notable are some of their female counterparts. Virginia Johnson, as played by Lizzy Caplan, is one of the most captivating, magnetic, brilliant and desirable characters on TV. She is ahead of her time in so many ways but makes it seem so breezy and carefree, like she's willing to wait for the times to catch up to her, but she's not going to stop moving forward. The effect she has on men in the era the show takes place is notable for the fact that she would make men blush in the year 2013, let alone 1957. Seeing the brilliant Bill Masters rendered speechless by her stating a simple fact of sexuality that was so foreign to him shows us who the real star of that show is. Her shadow looms so large over everyone that she is impossible to forget. The amazing Elizabeth Moss pulled double duty this year, becoming the new Don Draper on Mad Men and playing the fearless detective Robin Griffin on Top Of The Lake. She is brilliant and dogged, willing to go into the homes and lives of people that everyone else is too scared to do. Her pursuit of little Tui and the fucked up small town dynamic she has to navigate is nothing short of brilliant to watch. The show is tragic and cold, but Moss is a bona-fide star. I also love the women of The Newsroom. They don't let the men in their life control them, but instead provide the real world anchor that they need to keep from floating away into another stratosphere. Olivia Munn not only has the best character name on television, Sloane Sabbath, but has become the star of the show. She steals, if not outright owns, every scene she is in. And although it has become vogue to aim our collective anger at the various wives of our brilliant protagonists, the wives are always the key to understanding, or perhaps, unraveling, the man and the empire. Betty Draper, Skyler White, April Buchannon, and Libby Masters must be understood before attempting to get to the bottom of their significant others. Too often we just see them as the nagging roadblocks to the ultimate goal for their husbands but the best shows actually explore those characters and show us what makes them tick. They're not just built on stereotypes or there to be the butt of a joke from a male character like they would be on lesser shows and for that, we're better off.
Other favorites of mine this year include Luther, Broadchurch, The Bridge, The Killing, Sons Of Anarchy, Hell On Wheels, Girls, Arrested Development, Veep and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, among others.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
The Hobbit 2: The Desolation of Smaug!
First off, I read The Hobbit novel over a decade ago and remember barely anything except that the dwarves traveled far and didn't even get to kill the Dragon.
There were a ton of points in this movie where my brain screamed "Bilbo is fucked." Specifically the giant gold statue, but apparently he wasn't standing in the way whatever. Movie.
Bilbo's kill count is around 7 or 8 for this movie. Pretty good for one session.
I have a theory they brought Legolas into the story just so they could reuse their badass animation of him riding things down slopes. Most of the time those things were orcs.
Apparently there is such a thing as being too big and badass because Smaug can't even kill a handful of little guys. Sidenote: If Smaug was a D&D enemy he'd have like 35 hit dice and be practically a god. Hold on while I copy/paste that into my notes.
Back to Legolas, he's definitely name level, he's gotta be for all his bad ass jumping on heads and sliding on bodies and using a ranged weapon at point blank range. Get to level 9 and you can do this too.
Gandalf needs new spells. Or does deciding at precisely the right moment to bail count as a special ability?
Serious Question: Was Beorn played by Javier Bardem?
What sort of half-race would happen if The Sexy Dwarf and Tauriel (or "Kate from Lost" as my friends call her) made babies? I'd like to see that. For science.
How much XP is the Arkenstone worth? Like 30,000? 50,000? Does he have to split that with the party?
I guess that's all I have to say, honestly I got distracted and went to make a sandwich. It was delicious.
There were a ton of points in this movie where my brain screamed "Bilbo is fucked." Specifically the giant gold statue, but apparently he wasn't standing in the way whatever. Movie.
Bilbo's kill count is around 7 or 8 for this movie. Pretty good for one session.
I have a theory they brought Legolas into the story just so they could reuse their badass animation of him riding things down slopes. Most of the time those things were orcs.
Apparently there is such a thing as being too big and badass because Smaug can't even kill a handful of little guys. Sidenote: If Smaug was a D&D enemy he'd have like 35 hit dice and be practically a god. Hold on while I copy/paste that into my notes.
Back to Legolas, he's definitely name level, he's gotta be for all his bad ass jumping on heads and sliding on bodies and using a ranged weapon at point blank range. Get to level 9 and you can do this too.
Gandalf needs new spells. Or does deciding at precisely the right moment to bail count as a special ability?
Serious Question: Was Beorn played by Javier Bardem?
What sort of half-race would happen if The Sexy Dwarf and Tauriel (or "Kate from Lost" as my friends call her) made babies? I'd like to see that. For science.
How much XP is the Arkenstone worth? Like 30,000? 50,000? Does he have to split that with the party?
I guess that's all I have to say, honestly I got distracted and went to make a sandwich. It was delicious.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
A Day At The Farm
Knott's Berry Farm is a nice place. Not really a controversial statement, and not much of a flashy conversation starter but that was the most prevalent thought in my head as I strode throughout the suburban old-west throwback amusement park. What struck me first was how accessible Knott's is in comparison to, say, The Happiest Place On Earth. As a motorist, you simply put on your turn signal and pull into the parking lot. It reminded me of going to Ontario airport as opposed to going to LAX; you just get off the freeway and pull right up to the curb and take your time instead of navigating multiple streets & lanes and an army of rental cars and cabs to wait in line and try to squeeze up to the curb long enough for your arriving friend to hop in before you get honked at for taking too long. All that separates the grounds of Knott's from the traffic and strip malls of Beach Blvd. is a modest wooden fence. The grounds are obviously much bigger than they seem from the street, which is very evident from the heights of such rides as Supreme Scream, where you also get a view of all of Orange County for a few short seconds before plummeting back to Earth. I was pleasantly surprised by how accessible everything in the park was. From where we parked, we only had about a 3 minute walk to the front gate where there was no line and no security, simply a woman with a handheld scanner who scanned my printout (yes a printout, everyone else had tickets on their phones) and there we were.
The park, I learned, sits on the site of Walter Knott's family berry farm where they sold fruit, pies, and chicken and built a number of other restaurants and attractions to entertain people who came for the food. In addition, the park was modeled on Calico Ghost Town out in the Mojave Desert where my elementary school would frequently take us on field trips. Many of the attractions even share the name - Calico Ghost Town Railroad, Calico Mine Ride - and the scenery is the same, only Knott's of course has big colorful steel struts stretching 50 feet up in the air holding up roller coasters amid the faux ghost town motif. The mine ride gives you a little history of the California gold rush of the mid 1800's with the help of a guide who peppers his narration with quips about Disneyland and jokes like: "They mine for all kinds of nuggets here, gold nuggets, silver nuggets, chicken nuggets." There is also a joke in the Wild West Stunt Show where a bumbling Sheriff's deputy tries to avoid a fight with a bandit by offering him Disneyland gift certificates, who then stops & states, "Nevermind, nobody would want those." There is a little brother-big brother dynamic in play in Orange County, with Disneyland being the bigger, sleeker, more popular older brother with Knott's being forced to poke fun and crack jokes in order to keep up. Although, it's no secret to anyone who knows me that I would be drawn to anything that is the opposite of sleek and popular. I like going to a park that is smaller, cheaper, more old-fashioned and less crowded. I like the Old West motif much more than the fairy tale wonderland of Disney, it's more aesthetically pleasing. Instead of Snow Whites and Goofy's wandering around, Knott's has costumed men who hop on the train and pretend to hold up the passengers and improvised gunfights in the middle of the plazas. The contracted cartoon character mascots at Knott's are Charles M. Schulz's Peanuts gang, which I have no interest in and I successfully avoided Peanuts On Ice and the various Peanuts-themed rides and attractions. However, what I thought about most of the day was why Charlie Brown kept putting up with all of Lucy's shit after she continually pulled the football away right before he kicked it. But Charlie had a crush on the redhead so maybe the kid does have his priorities straight. I did find out that Schulz had a real-life unrequited love for a woman who he based the little redheaded girl off of which served as a recurring theme throughout the life of his work and as a guy with a series of unrequited crushes, maybe I'd find some connection with the Peanuts strips but I digress.
Perhaps the best part of going to Knott's Berry Farm on a Wednesday is the complete lack of waiting time for rides. The most I had to wait for anything was about 10 minutes to take a ride on a horse-drawn stagecoach. Every single other coaster and ride had zero or minimum wait time, which immediately increased the enjoyment of all those rides. I'm not a big amusement park guy, I don't enjoy spending an hour in line for a two minute ride but today, there was no excuse not to go on some of the coasters that would normally be packed. Boomerang and Silver Bullet, whose names fit with the Knott's motif but whose appearance would be more suited to sit next to the colorful loops and twists of Six Flags coasters, run smooth and fast and are very enjoyable. Then there are outdated coasters like Ghost Rider which jostles and clanks it's way around a track atop a behemoth wooden structure which physically hurt me. I came off almost limping and with a cramp in my hip from being whipped and shook around in the rickety car. And of course there are also the classics like the Timber Mountain Log Ride, on which you will get slightly wet and Bigfoot Rapids where you will get soaked from head to toe and have to walk around with a wet ass and soggy shoes for a few hours. The shows, arguably better than the rides, were more attended than the rides and enjoyed more by my parents. My parents, Native American and California history buffs, brought us to the Mystery Lodge where a figure behind a glass partition on a dark stage walks the audience through lessons his people have taught him and stories his grandmother told him. The show has a very interesting effect that they create with the use of an invisible screen and a projector that displays images onto the smoke rising from a fire. The Wild West Stunt Show, while corny and unexciting, was humorous and made me want to run on stage and jump off the roof of the fake saloon onto the mat built into the ground. Even the stage featuring elementary school singer/dancers was well attended, with cheering families and even costumed cowboys watching attentively.
Knott's Berry Farm, whose website claims it to be "California's Best Amusement Park," is, as previously stated, a nice place to visit. My visit was equal parts relaxing and exciting and the place has an overall charm that is hard to be cynical about. My last visits to Disneyland and Magic Mountain, close to a decade ago, were not very exciting if memory serves, and part of the pleasure today had to do with the absolutely perfect weather. I wore a light jacket all day and never got too warm during the day or too chilly after the sun went down. I remember waiting in line at Magic Mountain in the sweltering heat and going in & out of those ungodly switchbacks and promising myself that I would not come back anytime soon, which was a promise to myself that I kept. Knott's is probably neither California's Best Amusement Park, The Happiest Place On Earth, or the amusement park of choice for most people I know*, as evidenced by the number of times in the last week or so that I heard, "Knott's? Why are you going to Knott's?" I enjoyed Knott's, soberly of course^, and genuinely had the most fun I've had in quite a while. Maybe I'm just filled with the holiday spirit.
^I only mention this as a footnote because I think it's been years since I've heard anyone mention going to an amusement park sober. Apparently the only way to enjoy them is to be so high or so wasted that you don't remember doing anything there. #Sarcasm.
*According to the 2012 Global Attractions Attendance Report, Knott's is the 14th most visited amusement park in the North America, behind Disneyland, Disney's California Adventure, Universal Studios and Sea World but more attended than Six Flags Magic Mountain. Although, interestingly, Disneyland and Knott's are the only two in the top 20 who have declining attendance rates.
The park, I learned, sits on the site of Walter Knott's family berry farm where they sold fruit, pies, and chicken and built a number of other restaurants and attractions to entertain people who came for the food. In addition, the park was modeled on Calico Ghost Town out in the Mojave Desert where my elementary school would frequently take us on field trips. Many of the attractions even share the name - Calico Ghost Town Railroad, Calico Mine Ride - and the scenery is the same, only Knott's of course has big colorful steel struts stretching 50 feet up in the air holding up roller coasters amid the faux ghost town motif. The mine ride gives you a little history of the California gold rush of the mid 1800's with the help of a guide who peppers his narration with quips about Disneyland and jokes like: "They mine for all kinds of nuggets here, gold nuggets, silver nuggets, chicken nuggets." There is also a joke in the Wild West Stunt Show where a bumbling Sheriff's deputy tries to avoid a fight with a bandit by offering him Disneyland gift certificates, who then stops & states, "Nevermind, nobody would want those." There is a little brother-big brother dynamic in play in Orange County, with Disneyland being the bigger, sleeker, more popular older brother with Knott's being forced to poke fun and crack jokes in order to keep up. Although, it's no secret to anyone who knows me that I would be drawn to anything that is the opposite of sleek and popular. I like going to a park that is smaller, cheaper, more old-fashioned and less crowded. I like the Old West motif much more than the fairy tale wonderland of Disney, it's more aesthetically pleasing. Instead of Snow Whites and Goofy's wandering around, Knott's has costumed men who hop on the train and pretend to hold up the passengers and improvised gunfights in the middle of the plazas. The contracted cartoon character mascots at Knott's are Charles M. Schulz's Peanuts gang, which I have no interest in and I successfully avoided Peanuts On Ice and the various Peanuts-themed rides and attractions. However, what I thought about most of the day was why Charlie Brown kept putting up with all of Lucy's shit after she continually pulled the football away right before he kicked it. But Charlie had a crush on the redhead so maybe the kid does have his priorities straight. I did find out that Schulz had a real-life unrequited love for a woman who he based the little redheaded girl off of which served as a recurring theme throughout the life of his work and as a guy with a series of unrequited crushes, maybe I'd find some connection with the Peanuts strips but I digress.
Perhaps the best part of going to Knott's Berry Farm on a Wednesday is the complete lack of waiting time for rides. The most I had to wait for anything was about 10 minutes to take a ride on a horse-drawn stagecoach. Every single other coaster and ride had zero or minimum wait time, which immediately increased the enjoyment of all those rides. I'm not a big amusement park guy, I don't enjoy spending an hour in line for a two minute ride but today, there was no excuse not to go on some of the coasters that would normally be packed. Boomerang and Silver Bullet, whose names fit with the Knott's motif but whose appearance would be more suited to sit next to the colorful loops and twists of Six Flags coasters, run smooth and fast and are very enjoyable. Then there are outdated coasters like Ghost Rider which jostles and clanks it's way around a track atop a behemoth wooden structure which physically hurt me. I came off almost limping and with a cramp in my hip from being whipped and shook around in the rickety car. And of course there are also the classics like the Timber Mountain Log Ride, on which you will get slightly wet and Bigfoot Rapids where you will get soaked from head to toe and have to walk around with a wet ass and soggy shoes for a few hours. The shows, arguably better than the rides, were more attended than the rides and enjoyed more by my parents. My parents, Native American and California history buffs, brought us to the Mystery Lodge where a figure behind a glass partition on a dark stage walks the audience through lessons his people have taught him and stories his grandmother told him. The show has a very interesting effect that they create with the use of an invisible screen and a projector that displays images onto the smoke rising from a fire. The Wild West Stunt Show, while corny and unexciting, was humorous and made me want to run on stage and jump off the roof of the fake saloon onto the mat built into the ground. Even the stage featuring elementary school singer/dancers was well attended, with cheering families and even costumed cowboys watching attentively.
Knott's Berry Farm, whose website claims it to be "California's Best Amusement Park," is, as previously stated, a nice place to visit. My visit was equal parts relaxing and exciting and the place has an overall charm that is hard to be cynical about. My last visits to Disneyland and Magic Mountain, close to a decade ago, were not very exciting if memory serves, and part of the pleasure today had to do with the absolutely perfect weather. I wore a light jacket all day and never got too warm during the day or too chilly after the sun went down. I remember waiting in line at Magic Mountain in the sweltering heat and going in & out of those ungodly switchbacks and promising myself that I would not come back anytime soon, which was a promise to myself that I kept. Knott's is probably neither California's Best Amusement Park, The Happiest Place On Earth, or the amusement park of choice for most people I know*, as evidenced by the number of times in the last week or so that I heard, "Knott's? Why are you going to Knott's?" I enjoyed Knott's, soberly of course^, and genuinely had the most fun I've had in quite a while. Maybe I'm just filled with the holiday spirit.
^I only mention this as a footnote because I think it's been years since I've heard anyone mention going to an amusement park sober. Apparently the only way to enjoy them is to be so high or so wasted that you don't remember doing anything there. #Sarcasm.
*According to the 2012 Global Attractions Attendance Report, Knott's is the 14th most visited amusement park in the North America, behind Disneyland, Disney's California Adventure, Universal Studios and Sea World but more attended than Six Flags Magic Mountain. Although, interestingly, Disneyland and Knott's are the only two in the top 20 who have declining attendance rates.
Monday, December 9, 2013
What I'm Enjoying Right Now
In comics, I've been enjoying a few new series including HIT by Bryce Carlson and Vanessa Del Rey about the LAPD's battle with Mickey Cohen for the soul of Los Angeles. A clandestine hit squad of officers is tasked with taking down Cohen and his cohorts using any means necessary. It's a limited series, unfortunately, so there are only 4 issues of noir, shoot-em-up goodness. I've also been loving Greg Rucka's LAZARUS, set in the future where the battle of the 99% vs. the wealthy has grown to such epic proportions that there are a small handful of Families that control everything, with each family training one member tasked to protect the family, a Lazarus. The Carlyle family consists of spoiled, preening, entitled brats who resent their Lazarus, named Forever, and plot her demise while defending themselves from other families. Finally, another author I like with a new series is Victor Gischler, writer of novels with names like Shotgun Opera, The Pistol Poets and Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse, has a new series called KISS ME, SATAN about a werewolf trying to gain back his lost soul who gets caught in the middle of warring clans of werewolves and vampire hit squads. It's a fun take on a mob story and full of awesome action and great writing.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
My Year Of Nerdery Catch-Up
This year, as readers (anyone? anyone there??) will know, I started playing Dungeons & Dragons with LDB,BL co-creater Chris Santee, who serves as my esteemed Dungeon Master. If memory serves me right, we started around January or February which makes it almost a year. But just because it has been a year, doesn't mean I am remotely close to being a Dungeon Master myself. I still never remember which die to roll for damage most of the time or which abilities my character has. Not for lack of interest, it's just simply a lot of stats and figures to remember and I am terrible at math. And memory. And props to DM Sitmo because those books are dense, there's no way I would ever be able to break all that stuff down and wrangle it into a cohesive game that 5 or 6 people can play at the same time. I of course started as a human ranger named Leoendrithas Droverson, an archer raised by elves. This was a whole new world for me, elves and dwarves and XP and hit dice...it was all foreign. Frankly, I wasn't nerdy enough to understand it at first. I mean, I've seen Lord Of The Rings once but I am no means a fantasy genre enthusiast and have never played table games beyond Monopoly and Candy Land. I've never played Skyrim or seen Game Of Thrones. That became evident when we tried to play a Star Wars role playing game, for which I had to be schooled in the basics of the Star Wars world, which drew the ire and laughs of my fellow gamers. Truth be told, I feel like a complete outsider in the D&D group but that's okay. The more the game goes on, the more I am immersed in the fantasy genre world, the more I learn the lingo and character archetypes, the more enjoyable it becomes.
Of course, the aforementioned Star Wars debacle continues to haunt me and I made an effort earlier this year to right that oversight. And I tried, I really tried. This summer, I made the effort, I had all three of the original trilogy in my possession but I just didn't make it. I'm sure it's a fine world that Lucas has created, I'm just not that interested in it. As I've said before, I think I needed to see it about 15 years ago, when it was the height of technological and special effects achievement, not to mention, the height of cool. Now, it just looks hokey, the world not sufficiently interesting enough for me. By now, there's too much in the canon for me to bother catching up with. When people catch wind of me not seeing Star Wars, they give me the same response as when they find out I don't drink. "WHAAAATT!!! I want to be there when you watch it for the first time." I of course don't want to watch it, just like I don't want to go out and get drunk, but it doesn't stop people from expressing the interest in wanting me to do so. As noted in previous posts here, my interests lie elsewhere but this year and from here on out, I hope to expand my nerdy oeuvre. My collection of comics is growing, I'm going to see The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug, and I've tried to limit the amount that I talk about football and Jason Statham among people whose eyes will glaze over when I do so. Gotta know your audience.
Every time a comic book movie comes out, I go to my friends to get the background on what I missed out on in decades of comics and movies. I'm slowly catching up, but every time a new character pops up in a Marvel film, I always require a primer to get the basics. I'm excited in theory about these four new series that Netflix and Marvel are collaborating on but I know absolutely nothing about any of those characters. I think Ben Affleck was Daredevil once upon a time but that's as much as I could tell you. After watching the new Thor film, I needed Chris to tell me what the deal was with The Collector and how he fits into the universe. And watching Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. has opened a whole new round of questions about what it is they do and how they fit in. And apparently the new Superman film will be Batman versus Superman, which is a mystery to me because I thought Batman and Superman were allies. But again, I enjoy delving more into these worlds because I feel like I'm catching up on what I missed out on as a child, when I was doing who knows what instead. I just need time to catch up because right now I'm pretty busy with the NFL and NBA seasons.
Of course, the aforementioned Star Wars debacle continues to haunt me and I made an effort earlier this year to right that oversight. And I tried, I really tried. This summer, I made the effort, I had all three of the original trilogy in my possession but I just didn't make it. I'm sure it's a fine world that Lucas has created, I'm just not that interested in it. As I've said before, I think I needed to see it about 15 years ago, when it was the height of technological and special effects achievement, not to mention, the height of cool. Now, it just looks hokey, the world not sufficiently interesting enough for me. By now, there's too much in the canon for me to bother catching up with. When people catch wind of me not seeing Star Wars, they give me the same response as when they find out I don't drink. "WHAAAATT!!! I want to be there when you watch it for the first time." I of course don't want to watch it, just like I don't want to go out and get drunk, but it doesn't stop people from expressing the interest in wanting me to do so. As noted in previous posts here, my interests lie elsewhere but this year and from here on out, I hope to expand my nerdy oeuvre. My collection of comics is growing, I'm going to see The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug, and I've tried to limit the amount that I talk about football and Jason Statham among people whose eyes will glaze over when I do so. Gotta know your audience.
Every time a comic book movie comes out, I go to my friends to get the background on what I missed out on in decades of comics and movies. I'm slowly catching up, but every time a new character pops up in a Marvel film, I always require a primer to get the basics. I'm excited in theory about these four new series that Netflix and Marvel are collaborating on but I know absolutely nothing about any of those characters. I think Ben Affleck was Daredevil once upon a time but that's as much as I could tell you. After watching the new Thor film, I needed Chris to tell me what the deal was with The Collector and how he fits into the universe. And watching Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. has opened a whole new round of questions about what it is they do and how they fit in. And apparently the new Superman film will be Batman versus Superman, which is a mystery to me because I thought Batman and Superman were allies. But again, I enjoy delving more into these worlds because I feel like I'm catching up on what I missed out on as a child, when I was doing who knows what instead. I just need time to catch up because right now I'm pretty busy with the NFL and NBA seasons.
Monday, December 2, 2013
New Class: Geomancer
It should be obvious that not all magic users are "Magic-Users." Formal training and spells named after great wizards aren't that commonplace. Sure, the emperor's Inquisitor's seem to be everywhere these days, searching for demon worshipers (supposedly) and (supposed) seditionists, but not all citizens with the ability to perform magic want to be Inquisitors, and not all magically talented beings are imperial citizens. Some individuals don't even consider what they're doing to be Magic, with a big m. Instead they see their abilities as gifts of spirits, or gods, or just natural abilities that if you told them no one else could perform they would be shocked.
The Gnoll-King Cold-With-Sun was the most (in)famous of these types of base magicians because of his combined use of magic with a rare charisma not seen in many beast men to build an army large enough to take the Empire's keep at Spaw'ra in the Bone Plains. Cold-With-Sun's forces raided as far as the shores on the far side of the eastern desert and stole many holy artifacts, hiding behind great sandstorms, and removing the power of local temples to heal their congregations and passersby.
Rumour has it that a Red Dragon from mountains that separate the Bone Plains and the Empire proper has recently taken a violent interest in the Spaw'ran keep, and whether this development proves good or ill is yet to be seen.
New class for Old School D&D inspired games based on the Final Fantasy Tactics Geomancer Job Class.
Geomancer
HD as Specialist
Saves and XP as Magic-User
Max Level: 12
This is kind of what I've always wanted instead of the D&D Druid.
Geomancers get 9 spell like abilities, one at each level starting with the one that makes the most sense for their homeland. Upon reaching 12th level the Geomancer has the option of increasing the power of his spells once more or attaining the extremely powerful Sinkhole ability.
Geomancy rules
To Hit: WIS check
Whenever a 6 is rolled on a damage die the target must make a save vs spells or suffer the spell's Special effect. Any additional 6s rolled add a cumulative -2 penalty to the save.
Geomancy progression
Level 1: Starting regional based spell
Level 2: New spell
Level 3: New spell
Level 4: All Geomancy now does 2d6 dmg
Level 5: New spell
Level 6: New spell
Level 7: All Geomancy now does 3d6 dmg
Level 8: New spell
Level 9: New spell
Level 10: All Geomancy now does 4d6 dmg
Level 11: New spell
Level 12: Sinkhole OR All Geomancy now does 5d6 dmg
Spell Descriptions
Torrent: Attack with the power of running water. Those who live near large bodies of water start with this, the pirates that sail the Narnak Blue use this spell to swamp the ships of their enemies and knock the crewman into the sea. Special: drown with globe of water surrounding creature's head. Save means unconscious.
Tanglevine: Attack with the power of plants. Vines sprout and attack the target. Special: target is held immobile as the spell Entangle.
Tremor: Attack with the power of stone. Causes the earth to spew forth missiles of rock and stone to pelt the target. Special: Target is completely encased in stone and petrified.
Wind Slash: Attack with the power of wind. This attack can be used one of two ways: as blades that sear and cut the target with a Special bonus of showing the target so they move at half speed, OR as a giant buffeting gust that has a chance of knocking the target down.
Quicksand: Attack with the power of standing water. Use swamp or Marsh water similarly to Torrent except this spell is more focused on pulling the target under the water. Special: chance for target to be poisoned or diseased by fetid water, penalty to save against this if target has already suffered wounds.
Storm: Attack with a working combination of the elements. The storm spell comes in a number of varieties, but they all have one thing in common. They all combine the power of wind with another element to surround, and at times, consume their victims. Ample amounts of both elements must be in attendance as Storm uses lots of both.
Flameblast: Attack with the power of fire. Some fire source must be present, like a torch or campfire, if used at night. The sun is sufficient during the day time unless completely obscured by clouds. Special: target is on fire and takes continual fire damage.
Mama Surge: from deep beneath the earth mama surges upwards to consume your foes. If not used near an apparent magma flow or active volcano this spell permanently creates an active volcano. Use carefully. Special: Target is consumed by lava and dies immediately.
Sinkhole: This optional 12th level spell opens a rift in space-time devouring fragments or all of your foe. Sinkhole does 6d6 damage. If all ones are rolled the Geomancer loses control of the hole and it grows to consume all creation. DM fiat on how much time is given to say goodbye to loved ones. Special: Target is consumed utterly as the spell Disintegrate.
After writing this whole thing I realize now this class is very much like the Avatar cartoon.
Lee Loves Action Movies
Everyone who knows me knows I love two things: 1) Lists and 2) Action Movies. Thus, I will create a list right here of my favorite action films of the last 10 years. Action films are usually the butt of the joke because most people just have a vision of a shitty car chase and a bad one-liner uttered by a washed up old actor. People see Bruce Willis now in 2013 and see a sarcastic, bloated, uninterested old man doing paycheck cameo roles in movies like GI Joe: Retaliation while forgetting that for the past 25 years, he has been one of the biggest actors in the world and played arguably the most beloved action film character of all time, John McClane in the Die Hard movies. Just because A Good Day To Die Hard (which I really enjoyed) was clearly a case of Well, Why The Hell Not Make Another One, We Don't Have Anything Better To Do, it doesn't take away the fact that those first three movies are all-time greats. There are always a slew of bad action movies in theaters and on video store shelves (oh, wait...) but there are also a whole slew of god-awful dramas and comedies and every other genre. Action films just have a stigma that they will never be able to get past. There will never be a best action film category at the Academy Awards* and as much as films like Gladiator, The Hurt Locker, and Braveheart are considered action films, I want to see a movie like 13 Assassins win an Academy Award so that they have to show a 15 second clip where dozens of people are being decapitated and lying in a pile of bodies and blood. I am a complete homer for the aforementioned one-liners and car chases, it's something I loved as a kid, then became too cool for when I was a teenager and then became enamored with again as I got older. The most recent example was Lockout, which I just watched a few weeks ago, with Guy Pearce sneering & snarking his way through a space prison to rescue the president's daughter from the world's most dangerous criminals, which is pretty much the most awesome plot for a movie in recent memory. With all that said, let the list commence (in no particular order):
KILL BILL VOL. 1 - Almost all of my favorite directors are the ones who love movies and love making movies that harken back to their favorites. I can't think of anything better than getting paid millions of dollars to make a movie with your childhood idols that you wrote and directed about whatever genre you're obsessed with at the moment. Quentin Tarantino is such a director. He created a world with these movies where he could incorporate all of his favorite things about the genre and make something completely original while being an homage to its predecessors. The final battle between Beatrix Kiddo and the Crazy 88 in the House Of Blue Leaves is operatic. I think when QT jerks off, he closes his eyes and thinks about the 5,6,7,8's and finishes when Lucy Liu gets scalped.
FAST 5/FAST 6 - While the future of the franchise is in question with the death of Paul Walker, it's hard to not see the last two films as two of the best of the series, if not two of the best action films in recent memory. They did something smart with this series; they moved beyond them being "car movies" and just turned them into solid, if absolutely insane and ridiculous action movies. A "family" of rich, globe-trotting criminals chasing bad guys in airplanes and tanks and trains and, of course, cars turned out to be a pretty great conceit. This franchise, even with the loss of Walker, could conceivably go on forever and if so, count on me being there opening day for Fast 12 in about ten years.
BELLFLOWER - This is a great movie that is not necessarily an action film, but it has action film DNA running through its blood. The first half is almost a romantic drama about two buddies who love their apocalypse-prepped Frankenstein monster of a car, Medusa, and the various weapons they've built to prepare themselves for a Mad Max-like apocalypse. A girl gets involved and the second half turns into a nightmare of violence, blood and sex that is admittedly pretty haunting.
SHOOTER - Bob Lee Swagger is one of my favorite literary characters and is played here by Mark Wahlberg who is much younger than the character in the book. He's an Army sniper on the wrong end of a conspiracy and left for dead in the Middle East but returns to live in solitude in the mountains with his dog but is summoned to hypothetically surmise how the vice president might be assassinated only to be set up for the crime and forced to go on the run. The sniper is always an interesting character, akin to the samurai or the lone gunman of a thousand spaghetti westerns. A fantastic long distance shootout atop a mountain is the crowning achievement of this movie. There's nothing better than a wronged man shooting his way out, doing what he was trained to do and having it come back on those very people who turned their back on him. I think I'm getting a boner.
13 ASSASSINS - This is a movie that people who I have never heard express interest in action movies say they loved. God knows I love it when someone puts together a team and a hell of a team get assembled here, in order to fight back against an evil relative of the current Shogun. They convert a small town into a warzone by using elaborate traps and setups designed to help them fight the expected 70 soldiers traveling with the evil lord but are beset upon by over 200 armed soldiers. The entire second half of the film is the ensuing battle, where just about all of the 213+ participants end up in piles of blood, mud, limbs and bodies. This is the dirty, gritty, more brutal younger brother of the House Of Blue Leaves fight from Kill Bill. This movie is amazing.
PACIFIC RIM - I think I loved this movie more than most people. There are giant robots fighting giant sea monsters who sprout wings and fly into space and then fall back to earth. That's amazing. Watching Charlie Hunnam and the girl from The Brothers Bloom pilot a giant American robot that can pick up a battleship and swing it at something is pretty fantastic to watch. I heard people's complaints and nitpicks about the film but then I listened to Guillermo Del Toro explain how every single thing in the film has a purpose and has roots in something he wanted to honor and discounted all the complaints wholesale. They don't matter. Why worry about petty little things and little plot holes when you are rooting for humanity to destroy a race of aliens living in another dimension inside the earth who are sending monsters to destroy all of humanity? My favorite scene is when the Australians are about to be killed by a Kaiju when, who's that behind it, backlit & inert and hanging from some helicopters, it's Gipsy Danger motherfucker, about to kick some ass. This one is pure spectacle, people. Just sit back and enjoy it.
OLDBOY - I haven't seen the Spike Lee remake yet but I intend to. However, I doubt it will surpass the pure, visceral, nightmare of a film that Park Chan Wook made. It really is a nightmare, being imprisoned for 15 years and then set loose on a desperate wild goose chase for answers full of dead bodies, incest, and live squids being eaten. Korea does this kind of extremely violent revenge fantasy very well, and this is the middle film of Wook's Revenge Trilogy along with Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance and Lady Vengeance. The single shot action sequence in the hallway with a hammer is still one of the best sequences I have ever seen.
THE RAID: REDEMPTION - I don't need to say much about this one, everyone worth their salt has seen it and loved it. Gareth Evans made a masterpiece of family loyalties and pure carnage. When all the bullets run out, it turns to some of the most brutal hand-to-hand combat I've seen until there are piles of bodies lining the hallways of a slumlords high-rise. The second one looks like it's going to be even more crazy.
IP MAN - Donnie Yen plays the titular Ip Man, who is touted as teaching his signature style of martial arts, Wing Chun, to the likes of Bruce Lee. In this movie, he is a wealthy martial arts teacher beloved by his community in China until the Japanese invade and turn his people into slaves and force them to fight to prove their superiority to the Chinese. Humble, yet superior, Ip Man refuses to fight at first but soon is compelled to fight and inspires and carries his people on his back and beats the shit out of a whole bunch of Japanese guys. I don't like martial arts movies as much as some others but this one is great and Donnie Yen is a pure star.
BAD BOYS II - This is the granddaddy of ridiculous, over the top, one-liner spouting buddy cop action movies. At one point, there is a car chase where they drive a hummer down a mountain taking out hundreds of shanty homes. There is a car chase on a freeway in Miami that would've snarled traffic for weeks were it real life. If you sit back and suspend your knowledge of reality, you can enjoy this because it is insane and wonderful. Buddy cop movies are great, and Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are two of the all-timers when it comes to sarcastic banter in the middle of carnage. I hate Michael Bay but this is his masterpiece and the man knows how to make an amazing looking movie. Car chases and shootouts in Miami were made to be filmed by Bay. And remember, "We ride together. We die together. Bad boys for life."
Honorable Mentions - The last 3 Bond movies, the 4 Bourne movies, the last 2 Mission: Impossible movies, Hot Fuzz, The Dark Knight, Crank, The Transporter, Sunshine, Lockout, Dredd, Death Race, Drive, Smokin' Aces, Taken.
*Part of the reason for thinking about action films right now is the fact that theaters for the next few months will be flooded with marquee Academy Award contending films and I will be needing to balance my film diet with some action and excitement, not just watch droll, depressing, "important," Oscar bait.
KILL BILL VOL. 1 - Almost all of my favorite directors are the ones who love movies and love making movies that harken back to their favorites. I can't think of anything better than getting paid millions of dollars to make a movie with your childhood idols that you wrote and directed about whatever genre you're obsessed with at the moment. Quentin Tarantino is such a director. He created a world with these movies where he could incorporate all of his favorite things about the genre and make something completely original while being an homage to its predecessors. The final battle between Beatrix Kiddo and the Crazy 88 in the House Of Blue Leaves is operatic. I think when QT jerks off, he closes his eyes and thinks about the 5,6,7,8's and finishes when Lucy Liu gets scalped.
FAST 5/FAST 6 - While the future of the franchise is in question with the death of Paul Walker, it's hard to not see the last two films as two of the best of the series, if not two of the best action films in recent memory. They did something smart with this series; they moved beyond them being "car movies" and just turned them into solid, if absolutely insane and ridiculous action movies. A "family" of rich, globe-trotting criminals chasing bad guys in airplanes and tanks and trains and, of course, cars turned out to be a pretty great conceit. This franchise, even with the loss of Walker, could conceivably go on forever and if so, count on me being there opening day for Fast 12 in about ten years.
BELLFLOWER - This is a great movie that is not necessarily an action film, but it has action film DNA running through its blood. The first half is almost a romantic drama about two buddies who love their apocalypse-prepped Frankenstein monster of a car, Medusa, and the various weapons they've built to prepare themselves for a Mad Max-like apocalypse. A girl gets involved and the second half turns into a nightmare of violence, blood and sex that is admittedly pretty haunting.
SHOOTER - Bob Lee Swagger is one of my favorite literary characters and is played here by Mark Wahlberg who is much younger than the character in the book. He's an Army sniper on the wrong end of a conspiracy and left for dead in the Middle East but returns to live in solitude in the mountains with his dog but is summoned to hypothetically surmise how the vice president might be assassinated only to be set up for the crime and forced to go on the run. The sniper is always an interesting character, akin to the samurai or the lone gunman of a thousand spaghetti westerns. A fantastic long distance shootout atop a mountain is the crowning achievement of this movie. There's nothing better than a wronged man shooting his way out, doing what he was trained to do and having it come back on those very people who turned their back on him. I think I'm getting a boner.
13 ASSASSINS - This is a movie that people who I have never heard express interest in action movies say they loved. God knows I love it when someone puts together a team and a hell of a team get assembled here, in order to fight back against an evil relative of the current Shogun. They convert a small town into a warzone by using elaborate traps and setups designed to help them fight the expected 70 soldiers traveling with the evil lord but are beset upon by over 200 armed soldiers. The entire second half of the film is the ensuing battle, where just about all of the 213+ participants end up in piles of blood, mud, limbs and bodies. This is the dirty, gritty, more brutal younger brother of the House Of Blue Leaves fight from Kill Bill. This movie is amazing.
PACIFIC RIM - I think I loved this movie more than most people. There are giant robots fighting giant sea monsters who sprout wings and fly into space and then fall back to earth. That's amazing. Watching Charlie Hunnam and the girl from The Brothers Bloom pilot a giant American robot that can pick up a battleship and swing it at something is pretty fantastic to watch. I heard people's complaints and nitpicks about the film but then I listened to Guillermo Del Toro explain how every single thing in the film has a purpose and has roots in something he wanted to honor and discounted all the complaints wholesale. They don't matter. Why worry about petty little things and little plot holes when you are rooting for humanity to destroy a race of aliens living in another dimension inside the earth who are sending monsters to destroy all of humanity? My favorite scene is when the Australians are about to be killed by a Kaiju when, who's that behind it, backlit & inert and hanging from some helicopters, it's Gipsy Danger motherfucker, about to kick some ass. This one is pure spectacle, people. Just sit back and enjoy it.
OLDBOY - I haven't seen the Spike Lee remake yet but I intend to. However, I doubt it will surpass the pure, visceral, nightmare of a film that Park Chan Wook made. It really is a nightmare, being imprisoned for 15 years and then set loose on a desperate wild goose chase for answers full of dead bodies, incest, and live squids being eaten. Korea does this kind of extremely violent revenge fantasy very well, and this is the middle film of Wook's Revenge Trilogy along with Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance and Lady Vengeance. The single shot action sequence in the hallway with a hammer is still one of the best sequences I have ever seen.
THE RAID: REDEMPTION - I don't need to say much about this one, everyone worth their salt has seen it and loved it. Gareth Evans made a masterpiece of family loyalties and pure carnage. When all the bullets run out, it turns to some of the most brutal hand-to-hand combat I've seen until there are piles of bodies lining the hallways of a slumlords high-rise. The second one looks like it's going to be even more crazy.
IP MAN - Donnie Yen plays the titular Ip Man, who is touted as teaching his signature style of martial arts, Wing Chun, to the likes of Bruce Lee. In this movie, he is a wealthy martial arts teacher beloved by his community in China until the Japanese invade and turn his people into slaves and force them to fight to prove their superiority to the Chinese. Humble, yet superior, Ip Man refuses to fight at first but soon is compelled to fight and inspires and carries his people on his back and beats the shit out of a whole bunch of Japanese guys. I don't like martial arts movies as much as some others but this one is great and Donnie Yen is a pure star.
BAD BOYS II - This is the granddaddy of ridiculous, over the top, one-liner spouting buddy cop action movies. At one point, there is a car chase where they drive a hummer down a mountain taking out hundreds of shanty homes. There is a car chase on a freeway in Miami that would've snarled traffic for weeks were it real life. If you sit back and suspend your knowledge of reality, you can enjoy this because it is insane and wonderful. Buddy cop movies are great, and Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are two of the all-timers when it comes to sarcastic banter in the middle of carnage. I hate Michael Bay but this is his masterpiece and the man knows how to make an amazing looking movie. Car chases and shootouts in Miami were made to be filmed by Bay. And remember, "We ride together. We die together. Bad boys for life."
Honorable Mentions - The last 3 Bond movies, the 4 Bourne movies, the last 2 Mission: Impossible movies, Hot Fuzz, The Dark Knight, Crank, The Transporter, Sunshine, Lockout, Dredd, Death Race, Drive, Smokin' Aces, Taken.
*Part of the reason for thinking about action films right now is the fact that theaters for the next few months will be flooded with marquee Academy Award contending films and I will be needing to balance my film diet with some action and excitement, not just watch droll, depressing, "important," Oscar bait.
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